Unintentional Pain
by Nicole Marie1
Summary: This story takes place right after where today’s episode (12/6/02) left off. After all that has happened recently, can Luis and Sheridan's relationship survive all the odds against it?


Unintentional Pain By: Nicole Marie  
  
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with nor do I own the show Passions, James E. Reily, or the any of the characters in the show. I am merely an obsessed Shuis fan who loves to write fan fiction about the best characters on the show. So don't sue me! Just sit back and enjoy the story!  
  
Rating: PG-13 as of now  
  
Summary: This story takes place right after where today's episode (12/6/02) left off. To let you know where I stand, I personally don't like where Shuis' storyline is going right now because they should be together! But what I disliked most was the way that Luis acted today. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore and LOVE Luis, but his behavior lately is getting on my nerves. There is absolutely NO WAY that I can agree with his decision to marry Beth! And I didn't like how he seemed to be all smug about it, just so he could hurt Sheridan. Oh well, hopefully Luis will regret his decision and do something about it before it's too late. The only thing I don't think I can stand anymore is Beth. If I hear her say "Luis and I would have been married if so and so didn't happen" (-you fill in the blanks) one more time, I think I'm going to scream! My philosophy on the matter is that if Luis had really loved Beth enough to marry her, they would've found a way to be married already. The fact of the matter is, Luis and Sheridan belong together and should be getting married and that's what my story sets out to accomplish. Just to warn you, if you don't see eye to eye with me on this issue (that is, if you don't take Sheridan's side over Luis), then you might not like this story, but please take the time to read it! Feedback is appreciated, but remember, I did warn you how the story was going to be ahead of time! (  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sheridan turned her back to him. Trying to hide her face and the pain she knew it reflected. But most of all, she wanted to hide her eyes, which were beginning to fill with unwanted tears. She had to be strong, for herself and for Antonio Lopez-Fitzgerald, whose days were tragically numbered. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around the man she truly loved, his brother, Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald, but in the present circumstances she knew this was not to be. She wanted to marry Luis. To run over to him, kiss him passionately, and to run off and elope with him somewhere romantic. But this couldn't happen because she owed her life to the dying man sleeping in the very next room, the man that loved her more than life itself and the man whose heart she just couldn't bear to break in his final days. Antonio was to be her husband, no matter how much she didn't want that to happen. She had to make his little time left memorable to thank him for everything that he had done for her.  
  
But she also had to ease her own conscience. She was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt because she felt she was the reason that Antonio was sick. It was all her fault that he was going to die because she had carelessly lost a large sum of money that Antonio had to pay off by racing cars. Sheridan sighed and closed her eyes as the horrific memories came flooding back. The terrible car race that Antonio had almost died in that started his illness was the first thing she saw. Images of smoke, fire, and her crying over an unconscious Antonio lying on the pavement brought back all the feelings again. How could she have done all this? How could she have caused such pain for one family? And how could Luis ask her to just walk away from all of it, leaving Antonio to deal with everything by himself when he was practically on his death bed?  
  
As much as she hated to admit it, the man she loved with all of her heart and soul was only making a bad situation worse. Sheridan knew she was hurting Luis and hated herself for doing it, but what choice did she have? The only thing she requested of Luis was that he let her spend Antonio's last days with him and then, once he died, she and Luis could be together. He had become angry believing that Sheridan would sleep with his brother but Sheridan swore that that wouldn't happen. She knew that all Antonio really needed was the woman he loved near him, just like he had been there for her so many times. Sheridan did have to marry Antonio so he wouldn't suspect that anything was going on, but she didn't even know if things would even get that far because Antonio's health was deteriorating rapidly. And even if they did marry, Sheridan had told Luis of her deep love for him over and over and that they would end up together. But still Luis' temper flared and now he had gone so far as to say that he was going to marry Beth, his former girlfriend and fiancé.  
  
Deep down, Sheridan felt that Luis was doing this to spite her, to get her back for hurting him. Or maybe he was doing it out of pity. Pity for Beth, whom he had promised to marry before Sheridan had come back to Harmony. Whatever the reason, it was the wrong one. Sheridan was only marrying Antonio to pay him back for saving her life countless times and to making a dying man she cared deeply for as happy as she could before he died. There was no wrong reason in that. Luis didn't even believe that Antonio was really going to die, but he wasn't getting any better; instead he was getting progressively worse by the day. Death was inevitable for Antonio. So then, why couldn't she make Luis understand? Why couldn't he understand that what she was doing was out of love for him, and for the sake of Pilar and the rest of his family? She couldn't be the one to take Luis' brother from him and Pilar's son from her, not to mention away from the rest of the family by abandoning Antonio and leaving him to die. No, she couldn't live with anymore guilt, she'd had that unwanted feeling with her throughout her whole life and it wasn't something she wanted to feel ever again.  
  
Now here was Luis, standing behind her and telling her that he had promised himself to someone else. What was she supposed to feel? What was she supposed to say to that? I hope you're happy with the wrong person? Or should she say, I hope you're enjoying intentionally hurting me like this just because I'm trying to do the right thing? Sheridan was confused, hurt, and feeling more betrayed than she ever had before right now; she was definitely not in the right frame of mind to discuss this right now, but she knew she had to face Luis. Wiping away her tears, Sheridan shakily took a deep breath and turned to face Luis.  
  
"Tell me this is not true Luis," Sheridan questioned.  
  
"I wasn't lying Sheridan, its true. I'm getting married..........to Beth."  
  
"Luis, how could you marry her!?"  
  
"What do you mean, how could I marry her? Don't act so surprised. I was engaged to her before you and I still care very much about her."  
  
"But you love me and I love you and we belong together!" Sheridan said angrily.  
  
"Sheridan," Luis started. "Look, I do love you but you chose to be with Antonio. Father Lonigan gave you a choice and you chose my brother."  
  
"You know damn well why Luis!"  
  
"Look, would you just calm down Sheridan......Your screaming is not going to help anything."  
  
"No, nothing is going to help! And you want to know why? Maybe it's because maybe you haven't once looked at things from my point of view! I'm in an impossible situation here. I am being torn apart by having to choose between you two."  
  
"Why, you already made your decision anyway!" Luis was now becoming just as angry as Sheridan.  
  
"Yes," Sheridan continued. "And that was to save your brother's life and to give him a few happy days before he dies! Is that really so much to ask Luis!?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Well then why are you behaving like this? Why are you being so immature?" Sheridan asked, apparently annoyed and frustrated with Luis.  
  
"Immature?" Luis asked sarcastically. "I'm being immature?"  
  
"Extremely."  
  
"How do you figure?"  
  
"Because first you put an enormous amount of pressure on me to tell Antonio that truth about us when you know damn well that he can't handle any emotional shocks because it could kill him. I mean, come on Luis! The man lost his eyesight and he wasn't even upset! Doesn't that tell you that he's not well and is most likely going to die very soon? And then you give me an all or nothing situation, telling me to decide to be with you now or else things are over between us. You forced me to chose between you and your brother when you know very well that I love you more but also that I can't hurt Antonio or to just desert him like that. And now, you have the nerve to come in here acting all smug about marrying Beth when you're obviously just trying to hurt me or take pity on her! How could you behave like this Luis?"  
  
"How could I!?" Luis asked, quite astonished. "Maybe because the woman I love and wanted to be with is marrying my brother! How's that for starters!"  
  
"How can you be so selfish!? You're brother is in there, slowly dying as we speak!" Sheridan exclaimed....................."All Antonio has done is thank everyone for being so wonderful and spend his time praising all of us for being such amazing friends and family yet all you can do is complain about our situation and think about your own selfish desires! I don't know about you, but I cannot cause a man's life to end just to make us both happy."  
  
"I wasn't asking you to do that Sheridan!"  
  
"Yes Luis!" Sheridan said as her cold blue eyes penetrated the hazy depths of his eyes. Sheridan calmed down and her voice took on a quieter, more solemn tone. "You were asking that. The thing is, do you really think we could have been happy knowing that we were the reason that Antonio died? Do you really think you would have been able look at yourself in the mirror everyday, knowing that you stole the last little happiness your brother had, a happiness that would have allowed him to die in peace? I don't know about you, but I sure couldn't have done that."  
  
"That's not what would have happened Sheridan," Luis said, walking over to the table to get a drink.  
  
"You don't know that!"  
  
"Neither do you! I mean, who knows, Antonio could go on living for years and he could have been just fine if we had told him the truth."  
  
"Do you really believe that Luis? Look at the man. He is suffering and anyone can see that his health is not holding up too well. Eve even said herself that once he lost his eyesight, the end was near.........He's blind Luis. He doesn't have much more time."  
  
Luis put down his glass and turned towards Sheridan. "You know what Sheridan? It's obvious that we're never going to agree on this issue and all of this arguing isn't going to do us any good. Anyway, I've already decided to move on and build a life with Beth. I know she won't ever desert me."  
  
Sheridan looked up in astonishment. "And what's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Think about it."  
  
Sheridan's mouth opened in surprise and her eyes began to fill with tears at Luis' harsh words. Luis could then see that he had gone too far; he never intended to hurt her.  
  
"Look Sheridan, I-"  
  
"Save the apology Luis," Sheridan forced out, holding back the tears. But Luis could hear the pain in her voice. "I don't want to hear it. You've made it quite clear what you think of my decision."  
  
"Even still," Luis said tenderly. "I am sorry. I didn't mean that the way that it sounded."  
  
Sheridan looked at him with the wide blue eyes of a frightened young girl who was, once again, being abandoned and betrayed by a person she loved. Luis took one look into her eyes and almost lost his resolve to maintain his decision.  
  
In a voice that was as quiet and meek as that of a small child, Sheridan spoke to Luis. "Do you really hate me so much to hurt me like this?"  
  
Luis swallowed and found that his throat was dry and constricted to the point that he couldn't speak.  
  
"I never wanted to hurt you Luis," Sheridan said softly. You have to believe that. I merely did what I thought was right. I couldn't find it in my heart to hurt your brother when he has so little time to live. It's as simple as that."  
  
Luis nodded his head twice. "Okay Sheridan. I can understand a little why you did what you did. But by sparing Antonio from the pain, you've given it to me instead. I don't know if I can forget that. But I do you love Sheridan, more than you'll ever know."  
  
"Then how can you marry Beth?" Sheridan eyes desperately searched Luis' for an answer.  
  
It was a fair question. One that Luis knew he had to answer. "Because I need to move on with my life with someone and I care about her. I can trust her to be there and to not hurt me. She's a good woman, one that will be a wonderful wife."  
  
"And I'm not good enough."  
  
"Sheridan, I never said-"  
  
"Yes you did." Sheridan closed her eyes and nodded her head slowly. The pain she felt now was like nothing she had ever felt before.  
  
Luis ached to comfort her, to wrap his arms around her and never let her go. 'If only she knew the truth'..he thought. But that was not going to happen. Luis couldn't let on that he didn't really want to marry Beth and that he just was just forcing himself to move on so he could forget about Sheridan.  
  
But upon forcing himself to think more positively, Luis admitted to himself that he did care for Beth and did love her. Just not nearly as much as Sheridan. He would never love anyone as much as Sheridan. But he would forget about her. He made a promise to himself that he would force himself to do so, even if it killed him. That promise started with this moment. He had to leave now before he changed his mind. Turning his back on Sheridan, Luis walked over to the closet and grabbed his coat. At that moment, Sheridan was gripped by a paralyzing fear; the fear of losing the man she truly loved.  
  
"Where are you going!?" Sheridan cried, no longer bothering to try and hide the few tears that trailed down her cheeks.  
  
"I'm leaving Sheridan. I'm leaving you and our life together........For good," Luis answered as he put on his coat.  
  
"But you can't leave!" Sheridan cried, gripping the front of his jacket and making him face her. "Please Luis! Don't leave me!" Sheridan begged. "I-I love you and I can't live without you!" Sheridan pulled him into a passionate kiss. She pulled him tightly to her in a death grip and refused to let him go. Her mouth plundered his, and he couldn't help but respond to her. She kissed him over and over, almost desperately, as if she was hoping to change his mind. Luis, shocked at first but then drawn into the kiss, finally regained control of himself. Although it took all of his strength, he pushed Sheridan away.  
  
"I'm sorry Sheridan," Luis said pulling back from her and removing her hands from him. He stepped back, opened the door to her cottage. "Goodbye Sheridan. I wish you nothing but happiness in the future."  
  
And with those final words, he was gone.  
  
For several minutes, Sheridan didn't even move. She was frozen in place, unable to respond to this dreaded turn of events; this was a greater tragedy than she could have predicted. Then, when she realized what had just happened was not a nightmare, and that it was indeed real, the tears came flooding out of her eyes and she leaned on the door of her cottage for support. She placed her hand on the door, knowing that that was probably the closest to Luis that she would ever be again. There she stood, with her forehead resting against the door, losing all the control that she usually prided herself on having. And all she could do was cry. She cried for Antonio, who was on the verge of dying and she cried for Pilar, who was to lose for her eldest son for good. But most of all, she cried for Luis, the man she loved. She cried until she couldn't cry any more and when it was all over, she cried some more.  
  
It was all she could do. After all, to her, life was meaningless without love. Love meant security, happiness, and eternal bliss. Within not even five minutes, she had lost all of that. What did her life mean now? She would stand by Antonio's side until he was gone and then she would be left with nothing. There would be no one to love her, no one for her to love in return.  
  
Sheridan walked over to a small bureau on the side of the room. Using the designated key, she opened the drawer and took out her beloved photo album of her and Luis. Soon she realized that looking over the pictures and awakening the memories didn't make it any easier to bear. She decided that she had enough of that. Looking in the mirror in front of her, she saw the tearstained face of a devastated woman, one that she barely recognized as her own. She sighed and closed her eyes as the tears continued to fall.  
  
Then something inside of her woke up. The tears stopped and the pain subsided for a moment. An inner voice told her this was not the end and she felt a kind of indescribable strength radiate through her. Her eyes fluttered open and she straightened her chin. She lifted her head up and realized that she, Sheridan Crane, was so much stronger than this. She picked up the picture album and slammed it shut, only to stuff it into the drawer below her. Her eyes reflected this strength, taking on a mysterious, dominant gleam and she even gave a small smile at her reflection. It was not a smile of happiness or joy; it was a knowing smile that expressed her will to go on and to prove to everyone, but mostly herself, that she didn't need Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald to survive. Life would go on. And so would she.  
  
To Be Continued................ 


End file.
